I'm so in love

Motherhood has been more than I ever thought it would or could be. Sometimes I catch myself crying watching Hadley sleep, not because I'm sad but because I am so in love with this little man. I look at him and pick out parts that came from Ryan or myself, most of him resembles Ryan. My heart breaks a little everyday because he is another day older, another day closer to not being my baby anymore. However, watching him find his hands and grabbing hold of my shirt while he eats, or cooing in the bathtub amaze me. He can already hold his head up and kick off with his feet, now all he needs to do is put them together and he'll be able to crawl. He sleeps like Ryan does with one arm on his chest and the other above his head. He recognizes mommy's voice and comes to a freeze when daddy talks. He has amazing facial expressions, his eyebrows give away his feelings. He has a very definite way of expressing hunger by giving me bird kisses on my chin, I'm very possessive over mouth kisses nobody gets to do those but Mommy and Daddy, it our thing. I find myself doing things I always criticized others for doing, like letting him sleep in bed with us and sometimes holding him in the car. Christmas time is around the corner and buying gifts for your own child is amazing. While I know he won't remember this Christmas, his first Christmas, I want it to be amazing. I'm scouring the Internet and every store for the perfect stockings, Ryan and I never got stockings we just used the ones at our parent's home. Halloween has come and gone and I find myself packing away his Halloween outfits and the newborn clothes that he has already outgrown. It doesn't seem fair that he has to grow up so soon, that he can only be a baby for a few months before he will have to be weaned/"broken" from things that bring him comfort. Its hard to raise a baby to be a boy then a man, when all you want is for him to stay mommy's sweet angel baby forever.

Hadley Douglas Harris

On Thursday September 18th, we had just a regular check up appointment. At this appointment my ob was going to sweep my membranes, when we got there I had 4 consistent high blood pressure readings and of course protein in the urine again. So they sent us straight to the hospital to be checked in and induced. They were able to stabilize my blood pressure that night and started the pitocin at 7am Friday September 19th! There were 14 other women in labor that morning, and only nine delivery rooms, thank God we got there the night before and got a room!!! At 8:30am I went ahead and had my epidural, why put yourself through pain if you don't have to! I also wanted to be sure that I got the epidural and if I waited their may be a chance that he would be tied up with someone else and I would be sol! I took a nap around noon and woke up at 1:30pm feeling alot of pressure, the nurse came in and I was at a 9.5!!! She had me do some practice pushes and I crowned at that point so she ran to get my ob and at 2:08pm Hadley Douglas Harris was born!!! I woke up that morning scared to death of everything that was going to happen but honestly the epidural was NOTHING (and I'm terrified of needles), I did have a 2nd degree tear that I did not feel until 5 hours after he was born when I woke up in terrible pain but the nurse rushed in and gave me a shot of stadol and I was back out. The next time I woke up it was uncomfortable but not some terrible pain!Also, during every contraction I did have the "shakes" a side effect from the pitocin. I did loose alot of blood during delivery so I had to stay an extra night to be monitored and they had me on medicine (I can't remember what) for it to get my blood count back up and to avoid a blood transfusion. Breastfeeding is going AMAZING!!! It does hurt sometimes, but its also the most comforting feeling in the entire world!!! Our new little family is back home and everyone is doing so well and we are so excited!!!

I love cold mornings!!!

Nothing gets me out of bed faster as when I wake up burning up, as was the case this morning. So you can imagine my very happy surprise when I went outside to check on the dogs and it was the PERFECT TEMPERATURE!!! Since then it has been a pretty good morning! By the time Ryan had left for work I had already ironed his clothes, attended to the animals (we should live on a farm), cleaned up the yard and was ready to mow when Ryan put his foot down and demanded me back onto bed rest :( So here I am reading threw my nestie blogs and seeing all the people who have had their babies many of them with due dates AFTER mine, and trying not to get to jealous. My little brother, Patrick, is on leave this weekend and I'm hoping that Hadley will come before or during then so that he can see his very first nephew!!

I'm watching Secret Lives of Women, Phobias, and this one lady is afraid of drowning so she has to get drugged up to take a shower or bath! Ryan always makes fun of me because I HATE getting my face wet, not because I think I will drown, but because I feel like I may drown with the water going up nose. Ryan gets a kick out of watching me wash my face!

I've made two Halloween tutus one for my little sister and one for my niece. My little sister's is a bumblebee and Kenzie's is a ladybug. I have to pat myself on the back they are beyond cute!!! I'm going to try to make more, if I have enough time, to sell at Amy's.

The dogs are having a shit fit so I best go see what all the barking is about!!!


Maybe a baby will come today!!!

He's just about here!!!

We went to the doctor yesterday and I'm dialated to a one and 50% effaced. Which of course doesn't mean ANYTHING, but if he hasn't come by the 18th then they are going to strip my membranes and he will hopefully come next weekend!!!! SO EXCITING!!!

Very Drained

Ten more days until our little bundle of joy should get his butt out of my belly!!! There is a full moon on the 15th and it would be very nice if he came then!! I have tried ALL of the OWT for at home induction, excluding castor oil (I'm not going down that road!). I had been lucky and wasn't getting puffy looking but that horriable curse has now blessed me. I go back to the dr tomorrow and I'm praying for something, any kind of dilation would give me that little bit of hope to make the next two weeks easier!

He has the hicups and its bouncing my laptop!!


Ryan and I have been going crazy trying to find the PERFECT first halloween costume!! It's hard!!!

uggg!!!

It's late and I'm completely uncomfortable in my own body!!! Not to mention, I bought new sheets from Penny's the other day (500 thread count) that were soft until I washed them so now I'm laying on scratchy sheets with a snoring husband cuddled up to me which would usually be sweet but right now its just making me hot (sweaty hot not hot hot)! I just wish it were morning so that I could re wash these sheets and this time with vinegar to get rid of any trace of sizing chemicals that manufactures use during the packaging process. Until then I'll just keep watching Dan In Real Life and surf the web for the perfect diaper bag until I pass out!!!

Bury My Heart

I'm finally getting around to watching Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee. It makes me sad. My grandmother is Native American, it makes me smile everytime I look at her picture. Her facial features are as strong as her will.

My grandmother and I



My grandparent's adopted my mom through the catholic church, which would explain why I am so Irish and have no Native American features! Growing up I could only see myself in pictures of my mother and in my little sister. As gratefull as I am to my grandparent's for adopting my mom, I'm glad Hadley will be able to look at pictures of his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and great grandparents and see himself in them.

I went by Amy's last night, she's living in the house in the woods now, and it's decorated so "grown up". I told her I felt bad because she has a runner in her hallway and I have never gotten one! She even put together floral arrangments!!!

I'm going to try to focus on coming up with a "holiday" collection for the two stores that are going to carry my infant clothing and accesories line. I just get so preoccupied with Hadley stuff!!! I am so excited to think of Halloween!!! I know he is going to be a star wars character becasue of his daddy, but we aren't sure which one just yet!

This movie is getting harder and harder to watch, but it's good.

HD's 3D Sonogram!!

Hadley's Room!!!

We still have loads to do, but it's getting there!!!

Oh what a day!!!

Amy and I spent the afternoon at TJC registering for school. Not for myself but for her and Ryan (he's slowley wanting to get his masters!). I was suprised at how many parent's where there with their kids to register. Mine came with me to "visit" the campus but not to register. After today I had definatly decided I do NOT miss being that age at all (18-21). I can't even take pm meds without paying for it the next day, let alone all night parties and drinking binges. It was fun to look and listen to all the people. I thought I would be a little jealous of their "freedoms", I remember right before Ryan graduated he went through a phase where he was terrified of being a "grown up" and having "grown up responsiblities". I think its normal, especially when your at such a big crossroads in your life. Sometimes I catch myself missing how carefree Ryan and I used to be before we moved to Tyler. I blush thinking of the things we would do! But then Hadley just has to kick my bladder and I'm immideatly pulled back to the present time and beyond happy at where our lives are going now! My little sister (in law) just turned 18, thats how old I was when Ryan and I had started dating. I'm so excited for all the things she is going to experiance when she goes away to school (even if it is A&M)! As for those feelings of jealousy they lasted for about five minutes!

A few shower pics!

Our shower at my parent's house in Flower Mound. It was the typical afternoon shower! Ryan, Justin, Steve and my dad being the only guys and hiding upstairs watching football in the movie room! Yes that is the cast on one leg and the boot on the other and I know we are wearing pink but having a boy lol!

Ryan and his Arie opening gifts!


Ryan and his girls! Notice Arie does NOT like to share!!!


Ryan and his girls again!























Our Couple's shower in Tyler at Ryan's parent's house! I don't have many pics because it was more of a big party and we forgot all about using our camera!!

My Body Hurts!!!

Ryan and I had a Drs apt at 8am this morning to meet with our new pediatrition!!! He seems like a great guy and everyone has highly recomended him, of course Ryan just loved him right off!! I on the other hand take a little more convincing, in my mind I am putting my child's life in your hand! This comes with very high expectations, but I think in the end he's going to be perfect for us!

This bedrest crap is realy starting to get to me!! I'm so so bored, thank god for internet shopping!! I at least get little things in every once in a while to give me somthing to fiddle with for a while! Today I went a little crazy on www.hardcandy.com, they have all of their stuff 75% off and I'm a huge fan of their lip glosses!!

I'd love to get some laundry done but I'm waiting on a plumber :( Something is wrong and the washing machine backflows into our guest bathtub anytime I run it. I'm starting to think that a kitty crawled into this pipe opening we have outside and maybe clogged up the pipes. I've since checked the opening and made sure its sealed.

Well my whole body aches so I'm going to get back to being lazy!!!

I LOVE rainy days!!!

So I decided to get out of the house today (bed rest is enough to drive you mad!) and do the car things I hate doing, i.e. getting my oil changed and whatnot. Rainy Days are perfect for this there wasn't a line ANYWHERE!!!! I'm going to start working on more onsies and diaper bags there are two stores here in Tyler that are going to carry them, I'll keep you posted!!! Its just getting harder and harder to get up close to the sewing machine lol! We had our Flower Mound baby shower the weekend before last and I'm just now downloading the pictures from it, of which I will never post because I'M HUGE!!! Ryan came to my Dr apt with me yesterday because I'm being monitored for preeclampsia and he doesn't think I'm eating enough. At which point Dr. L said I'm right on track of gaining enough weight and whatever I'm doing is working. I still haven't broke the 140 mark but I feel like I should be at about the 300 pound mark!!


My brother is being deployed on the USS Comfort (which is a medical ship) to Georgia (he's a navy core man). It is a humanitarian ship, but its just scary to think about. Hopefully Russia will pull out before he gets there. He won't be able to come home and visit before he leaves so it'll be another three months at least before I can see him again. I'm so proud of him but I'm also heartbroken, I miss my little brother.

I feel terrible, I woke up around 3am and starting cleaning which woke up Ryan. Did I mention what an amazing hubby I have, if I am awake he's awake with me. I love being married, everyone should try it. Sure its been ruff, but at night when we are laying in each other's arms it's all worth it. This pregnancy has brought us closer together, we are definitely each other's soul mates! Sorry for all the mushy stuff its just part of being prego!

FIN

The bun is just about ready to come out of the oven and I CAN'T WAIT!!!! I know I'm going to miss being pregnant but I know I'll love being a mommy ten times more!! I feel like I should have rainbows coming out of my ass I'm so happy and excited!!! I have this amazing husband who adores me and would do anything for me, and stays with me no matter how hard I've tried to push him away. A kickass family (on both sides) who love me for me and knows how to cheer me up!!! And a great circle of friends some from childhood that have never let me down and are just as excited about Ryan and I being parents as we are ourselves. Life is AMAZING!!!

Hiccups!

I completely forgot to document everything that happened this weekend!

We toured the hospital, which leaves much to be desired. Our insurance covers TMF, and ETMC. However, it only covers the ETMC in Jacksonville which is NO HELP to us. Needless to say we are stuck with TMF. Which is fine, the new birthing rooms are GREAT and they have great birthing tubs (etmc does not)!!! The thing about TMF is they take most of the area's medicaid patients (etmc doesn't take any, and nothing against medicaid patients my sister was a medicaid patient) so it feels like a baby mill compared to ETMC. You don't seem to get near as much one on one. Although, the staff does seem nice enough and as attentive as they can be with so many patients and it's not like we are going to be spending a week in there (knock on wood) so I'm sure this is crazy prego talk and I won't even notice other people. Wow Amy's right I am selfish lol! The other thing about TMF that does suck is their rooms for after delivery, so I have informed family and friends to just bring lots of flowers and I won't even notice the crown molding coming off in spots!

We found a great turkey costume at Babies R Us that we are going to dress Hadley in for the Cowboys Thanksgiving game. I must say that I'm not looking forward to lugging a two month old and everything he needs to the game, but it is Emily's last year to dance the Thanksgiving game and the last year for it to be held in the old stadium. I just hope I don't get caught nursing on tv lol!

Sunday night Hadley got hiccups around 3am, they were so bad it kept me awake which in turn kept Ryan awake! It was the sweetest thing, although I felt horrible for him because I hate it when I get the hiccups. Lucky for him he won't even remember it!

We are able to see his little body parts protruding from my stomach from time to time! Next Wednesday we go in for our 3d sonogram (it was supposed to be tomorrow but some big meeting came up that Ryan HAS to go to). I can't wait to see him, from all of his other sonogram pictures he looks like a little version of Ryan!

rip bissell

So our old vacuum has been dead for a very long time, however, I just haven't been ready to admit that. Ryan always gives me a hard time because somehow I manage to kill every vacuum we have ever owned! This one was deffinatly not my fault though, I actually traded our new/old one for Amy's at the store because she had lower pile carpet and our old one worked better for that. Now that we have lower pile carpet and hardwood floors I need something better! So while Ryan is out of town today I am going to buy a new vacuum and hopefully he just won't notice (it's not like he ever vacuums)!

I feel like a terriable wife. I woke up this morning with the most unimaginable earache and went to crawl up on the couch where I precided to fall asleep again. Ryan being the amazing husband he is bundled me in blankets and didn't wake me to iron his shirts. So today he's out there working in a horriable wrinkled shirt and its all my fault!

I think that I have gained enough energy to finally shower and go buy myself a vacuum!!!

Glenn Beck

So last night was our big night out we went to see Glenn Beck at The Majestic. I tried really hard to get GREAT tickets because this was something Ryan really really wanted to go to, however, because it was being recorded for a movie and the Governor was going to be there they were all sold out except for the balcony seats. So we get there in plenty of time and got AMAZING parking, of course I have to hit up the bathroom and then we go find our seats. For those of you who may have never been to The Majestic it was built in 1921, and they remodeled it in the 70's, so the balcony seats SUCK!!! Add to that being 30 weeks pregnant and then they really really suck, I had a spring stuck up my butt the entire time! So mercifully intermission comes around (mind you Ryan has been having a blast whereas I've been squirming around in my tiny little seat trying to get comfortable), and I of course have to pee again but was secretly dreading the long line into the ladies room. This is where our big night out started to get perfect! I got to cut in line at the ladies room (this is huge the Ladies line is a cruel daunting line) then I got to cut in front of the line at the snack bar (another huge thing because there were a ton of republican guys waiting to order their mixed drinks) and then an usher comes up to me and ask how many are in my party and if we'd like better seats!!! So she took us to the main floor and we finished the show just 20 rows behind Gov Perry, in the most amazing seats ever compared to the balcony seats! They were huge and they rocked and they didn't have springs going up your butt!!! So all in all it wasn't bad, we got out of there in great time no traffic, it couldn't have gone any better!


Tomorrow is our second birthing class and we are supposed to tour the hospital. I have high expectations of the room I'm going to experience the most pain in my life in! I'm not above pitching a fit if I get stuck in some sucky ass room! I'm also very interested in water birth, although we won't be doing that because I must have an epidural, but it may be nice to spend some of the time in the tub just to relax! I'm also a huge hygiene person and I know the first thing I'm going to want to do afterwards is shower, and of course love on our new little boy!

I'm patiently waiting for Storkland to open so that I can call them and bug them again about when the hell my crib will be here!!! I know its my fault because I had to have a style that they build upon order, but these people should know pregnant people have NO PATIENCE!

Tonight I'm cooking a huge dinner with desert to bribe my FIL into coming over and helping Ryan hang up a new ceiling fan in Hadley's room and perhaps some mini blinds! During which time my MIL and I are going to prove a point and set up our highchair!!!

I think I finally have enough energy to start cleaning!

Its been awhile, we should do this again sometime!

WOW! I can't believe how long it has been since I jotted down all my daily activities!
A little update!
The floors are new and the painting is almost done!
We have sold out all of the store's inventory to a new store opening called Blue Owl Vintage!!! So I am now just a housewife! I couldn't be happier I've made all the bedding, pillows, curtains for Hadley's room!!! Yes we are having a boy and I'm getting HUGE!!! Not much longer to go though!!!

So I'm just laying on the couch watching Secret Lives of Women, Mistresses. These ladies are so pathetic, I never understand why women get involved on any level with married men they are just setting themselves up for disappointment! I'm trying to get up the energy to take a shower and go to the grocery store. I have lots of baking to do before our dinner party at Jason and Cylisa's tonight. I love that about being married! We have gone from each of us having our own little group of friends to sharing the same friends (mostly couples) that we can do things together. Although it was nice at our couple's shower for Ryan to have all his old friends there!

I've been on a mission to find a great lipstick and eyeliner for deliver day, now I know this sounds stupid and vain but you put on an extra 25 pounds and you'll be looking for something to make you feel just a little prettier! I FINALLY found an eyeliner I like, just still needing a great lipstick!

Ryan and I started our birthing classes last Saturday and we went in there thinking we are so prepared; we are just wasting a Saturday WRONG!!!! The teacher is nice however, she is one of those anti drug breathe through the pain kinda people so right off the bat I feel like I'm a horrible person for drugging my baby with zofran and benadryl! Then she plays us this video, mind you she did NOT tell us this video would cover an actual delivery she just told us it would be over your third trimester. So we are watching it and all of a sudden on this huge projector screen here comes a baby crowning. Ryan said he had never seen me so white, I honestly think I stopped breathing. I'm not stupid I know how babies come out, but to see a vag stretched to those proportions and a baby just ripping its way out was more than I can handle. Needless to say I'm now freaked out!!!

My MIL and I went shopping yesterday (I can last a few hours then I'm in need of a long nap!) and I found a bunch of cute jogging suits on sell at New York and Company (always been one of my fav stores!) for $15 bucks so I went a little crazy! I've been lucky so far that I haven't had to buy a lot of maternity clothes, I'm mainly all belly!

I don't know how many women come up to me to solicit their unwanted advice and or opinions over being pregnant during the summer and how miserable I am going to be. Honestly though it hasn't been that bad. I am a little anemic so naturally I'm usually cold (point for me!), also I have all winter to hide under sweatshirts to get my figure back in time for summer (ten points for me!!!).

All the preparations for Hadley's room are almost done!!! I hate the whole hurry up and wait thing that comes with pregnancy! We just want him here so bad!!! We are going to look at baby Halloween costumes this weekend I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Tomorrow night we are going to see Glenn Beck at The Majestic. I'm not to excited but Ryan is so I'll put on my game face!

Okay, I'm off to shower then to the store and its time to make dessert!!!

Life is Amazing!!

Its just amazing and I couldn't be happier!!

The Joys of being 6 weeks pregnant!

Ok so we have finally told everyone that we are PREGNANT!!!
Of course our parents are thrilled! Ryan so far has been alot calmer than I. The day after we found out I started freaking out. I mean its really scary when you think about the long term of this! 18 guaranteed years of constanly having someone depend on you every moment of every day. Ryan on the other hand was over the moon and already looking at baby clothes! But now we are on the same page we both just can't wait for September 29th to get here!!! Last Thursday Debbie and I got to see the baby, I was having some problems and they rushed us in for an emergancy sonogram. Everything is fine now and he/she has the fastest little hearbeat. Its truely amazing! We are turning the store over to Amy in June, so that I can be a stay at home mommy! I'm sad but excited, we had our run and it did good for us and now its time to move on!! I'm currently working on planning Kendra's baby shower. We had a minor problem with invitations but now we are back on track!!

We have our little secret!!!

I don't trust myself to say anything more right now!!

Snow Day

I LOVE IT WHEN IT SNOWS! It makes everything perfect! Bear and I went for a walk this morning in the snow it would have been way more romantic if Ryan was there but oh well Bear is good enough! Tonight is Cary Grant movie night! I love that Ryan gets the humor in his movies! So it'll just be us, the fireplace, and Cary Grant!

I'm in the middle of planning my sister's baby shower. Its so much fun! I have found everything that I want to do for mine and am having to think outside the box for hers. Her nursery is bumble bee's so I'm at a lost. I always want to go way girly! But we've all agreed on tulip centerpieces and lots of tulling!

Other than that I'm loosing my patience with the speed of project hardwood floors. But I'm not going to complain!

ITS SNOWING AGAIN!!!! I'm beyond happy!

Limbo

I can't believe how crazy this year is so far. We've had on offer on our store that's worth taking a closer look at. The person who wants to buy it is so sweet and promises she'll keep it along the same lines as what it already is. I'm not sure what we are going to do. This has been our whole life for the last few years. Although it would be nice to be a stay at home mom (still pending). I'm starting to resent everyone who tells me it just happens. I'm becoming narcissistic over this. Time to chill out! We had a girl's shopping trip yesterday with the sissy and mom in laws. We need our own reality show! People on the outside just don't seam to understand when we say one of us looks like a bitch its a good thing and the way sales people gawk at our bluntness about unflattering clothes is hilarious. Amy wore a top from the store and was complimented on it by almost every sales person. That did cheer me up! Well I'm off to finish reading my book!

busy busy busy

I can't believe its already into January. I have to start taking down my Christmas Decor at the store!!! I am however, very proud that Ryan and I had all of our decorations at home down after new years, like respectable neighbors lol! Speaking of neighbors, my neighbors dog was put down yesterday. I feel so awful for them, they had her for fifteen years! I can't imagine what Ryan and I would do without our Care Bear. I'm backing in the creative flow making more purses, and working on a really kick ass screen! I went to Hobby Lobby the other day and got "homey" decor for the house! We are starting on our floors this week! I'm so excited to have our house coming along! It's sad that we are going to sell it but I'll be glad to be in a neighborhood with people our age who are starting families! Well time to get back to house work!!!