I'm so in love

Motherhood has been more than I ever thought it would or could be. Sometimes I catch myself crying watching Hadley sleep, not because I'm sad but because I am so in love with this little man. I look at him and pick out parts that came from Ryan or myself, most of him resembles Ryan. My heart breaks a little everyday because he is another day older, another day closer to not being my baby anymore. However, watching him find his hands and grabbing hold of my shirt while he eats, or cooing in the bathtub amaze me. He can already hold his head up and kick off with his feet, now all he needs to do is put them together and he'll be able to crawl. He sleeps like Ryan does with one arm on his chest and the other above his head. He recognizes mommy's voice and comes to a freeze when daddy talks. He has amazing facial expressions, his eyebrows give away his feelings. He has a very definite way of expressing hunger by giving me bird kisses on my chin, I'm very possessive over mouth kisses nobody gets to do those but Mommy and Daddy, it our thing. I find myself doing things I always criticized others for doing, like letting him sleep in bed with us and sometimes holding him in the car. Christmas time is around the corner and buying gifts for your own child is amazing. While I know he won't remember this Christmas, his first Christmas, I want it to be amazing. I'm scouring the Internet and every store for the perfect stockings, Ryan and I never got stockings we just used the ones at our parent's home. Halloween has come and gone and I find myself packing away his Halloween outfits and the newborn clothes that he has already outgrown. It doesn't seem fair that he has to grow up so soon, that he can only be a baby for a few months before he will have to be weaned/"broken" from things that bring him comfort. Its hard to raise a baby to be a boy then a man, when all you want is for him to stay mommy's sweet angel baby forever.